Running in to trouble

In my home room this week I had two students pretending like they were going to fight.

One of them says, "Let's take this outside."  They walk outside, close the door, and them immediately run back in with a panicked look on their faces.

I walk outside to find our head principal standing there.

Sick Day

I'm out sick today, so here is a drawing one of my students did monday.  There isn't really anyway to explain this except to say that it isn't nearly as creepy as it looks.

I shouldn't have to explain this...

*Things I never thought I would have to say to a high school student.*

"Don't sit on people."

My Life At School

Student 1: "Do teachers get to leave early when it starts to snow during the day?"

Me: "What are you talking about?  I live here."

Student 1: "What?"

Me: "Yeah, I have a cot in my closet."

Student 2: "Whatever, we know you got a wife."

Me: "Yeah, thats why I have two closets."

Be Creative

Student (singing): "I'm turning in my work, turning in my work, turning in my work."

Me: "Thanks, but next time I want an interpretive dance."

Livestock

I saw a black cock in the school parking lot this morning.  I think this is the only time I can safely say this phrase without having to call the police.

Full Showers

Freshman: "Can we open the window?  It stanks in here."

Me: "If you all showered regularly we wouldn't have that issue."

Cash Money

Student: "What is with this problem?  I keep getting fat stacks of numbers."

Me: "There is nothing wrong with fat stacks of numbers.  Some day when you are counting all your money you will say, 'I'm glad I paid attention in math class because now I can count these fat stacks of cash.'"

Another One of My Sayings

Student: "Do we really have to do this assignment?"

Me: "Well really you don't have to do anything you don't want to, but if you don't do this assignment it is going to be very easy for me to grade."

V-Day

*Students are reading off 'poems' that people have left on their facebook walls.*

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
Happy anniversary"

Dividing by Two Doesn't Work

Student: "I know that isn't me that stinks.  I had a whole shower this morning."

Me: "Instead of half a shower?"

Student: "Yeah"

Me: "If you take half a shower which half do you shower?  The left or the right?"

Who are you?

Student: "I just want you to know that I won't be here in class today."

Me: "I haven't seen you in a month.  How is today any different?"

Oh children...

My 'Leadership Skills' class went to an elementary school today to play with Legos with the first graders.

The first graders were better behaved that the majority of my freshman.

Skool

As I was going through my phone I found this picture from a few year back which manages to capture the entirety of my teaching experience.  I don't even remember who wrote it.

V-Day

Student: "Hey, Mr.  Where should I take my girl for Valentines Day?"

Me: "If you really want to impress her then you should try making her dinner."

*I look up some easy recipes for him to try and he thinks about it for a bit.*

Student: "I think I am just going to take her somewhere cheap.  Have you heard of Cap'n D's?"

Animals

My first year teaching we had some sixth graders who decided to only respond by making animal noises.  One of our teachers managed to record these animal noises.  We next did what any professional staff would do; we played the recording back at our all staff meeting.  Our meeting inevitably devolved into the whole staff making animal noises as well.

Shoes

Day two of snow days.  Here is a story from a couple weeks back.



My students love to custom design shoes online.  I must be old because they all look ridiculous.

Student: "Mr. check out these shoes.  Would you ever wear these?"

Me: "Nope"

Student: "What? Why not?"

Me: "Because I would look like Ronald McDonald."

Walk like no one is watching

A student was walking in front of me down the hallway, and he had no idea that there was anyone else around him.  As he was walking he started throwing his hall pass higher and higher into the air.   Eventually the paper got high enough into the air where the shape of the paper caused it to flutter towards the wall.  In a valiant effort to catch the paper before it hit the ground the student slammed himself into the locker and ended up on the floor.

Once he realized that I was watching him; I couldn't control my laughter.