Throwback Thursday

When I was teaching at the alternative school one of my students gave a presentation at the school board conference.  He did a good job and our superintendent said that he was, "dressed like a professional."  All of the teachers found this hilarious because he had recently been suspended for stripping down to his boxers and running all over school in nothing but his underwear.

Bonding

Looking back at my first year of teaching I realize that most of the bonding I did with my co-workers was not from the social events outside of school; it happened when our school was crammed into the basement of a condemned for several weeks.

Throwback Thursday

When you are a first year teacher you get observed regularly by anyone and everyone that can claim power above you.

During one observation from my principal, a student passed out so hard that he failed to wake when his cell phone started ringing.  Once the 'hardcore rap' ringtone hit the string of cuss words, most of the room had a hard time not laughing.

Throwback Thursday

I was reading through emails from my first year of teaching and I found this quote describing my classroom.

"If I had a dollar every time masturbation was referenced (by my students) in class, then I could probably go out drinking 3-4 nights a week."

Throwback Thursday

I haven't done a throwback in a while, but this happened my first year of teaching.

Me: "Why are you copying that assignment?  It isn't going to help you on the test, and it isn't worth enough points to change your overall grade."

Student: "Man, you always tryin' to keep me down!"

Principal: "You need to call yourself a ride _________."

Student: "Man, I got my own ride!"

*Student walks out of school, gets in a car, and drives away.  Student is 15, and barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.*

First Year Nicknames: Part 2

First Year Nicknames: Part 1

Throw Back Conferences

Conferences my first year were sparse to say the least.  Alternative schools are not usually know for their parent involvement.  In a whole day of conferences we saw two parents total.  Two parents. For the whole school.  Teachers got so desperate for something to do that when a parent showed up EVERY teacher, regardless of whether or not they had the student in class, came to the conference.

Animals

My first year teaching we had some sixth graders who decided to only respond by making animal noises.  One of our teachers managed to record these animal noises.  We next did what any professional staff would do; we played the recording back at our all staff meeting.  Our meeting inevitably devolved into the whole staff making animal noises as well.

Throwback

One of the advantages of being out in a trailer my first year was not having to deal with the sewage gas leak in the main building.

Bag o' crazy

In an alternative school there are many students who appear suddenly and randomly and then disappear in a similar fashion.

We had one particular student who showed up on her first day with a grocery bag filled with at least 50 lighters.  When questioned she say, "In case I need one."

Several weeks later she started talking about being followed by unmarked vans.  She stopped showing up to school shortly after.  I heard that she had been picked up by the police and brought to an institution, but part of me still entertains the idea that she was correct.

One more from the archives

Student: "Multiplicative? That sounds like the name of a cheap hoe."

EVERYBODY is in ISS!

Towards the end of my first year a large group of students decided that they didn't want to go to class and refused to leave the cafeteria after breakfast in the morning.  With the school having only about 40-50 students that showed up regularly (with 80ish enrolled) this meant that a major percent of our school was involved.

Our principal decided to put everyone in ISS.  He came down to the cafeteria, separated everyone, and sat down there all day with them.  The strategy worked, no one ever tried that again, but it did mean that for one day I only saw five of my students.

The good ol' days

Things that I miss from my first year of teaching:

Write ups that say, "Monkeys in the zoo would be embarrassed by this behavior."

Too late

Another story from my first year.

Student to me: "I am going to pull my phone out to call _______ and you better not take it."

*I eye the student suspiciously*

Student: "Shit, Ms. __________ already took it."

Free time

One particular Friday my first year of teaching I decided to give some students some free time at the end of class and everyone is immediately drawn into their own little world on the internet.  A couple of the female students decide to play an online dress up game and when one of the boys in class he decides that he wants to play too.  I am already laughing to myself because I now have a thugged out boy basically playing with dolls in my classroom, but the ensuing conversation just made me lose it in front of everyone.

*The boy dresses up his character in fishnets, tall boots, and a tutu.*

Girl: "What the heck kind of an outfit is that?"

Boy (being completely serious): "Oh, it just sort of a nice going out outfit."

Girl: "She looks like a hooker.  Where is she supposed to be going out?"

Boy (Once again being completely serious): "Wherever, you know.  The movies, or maybe to the club."


*Lucky for me my students don't really pay attention to what I do because I'm pretty sure I was crying from laughing so hard.*

Throwback Thursday: Bum edition

*Student 1 is asking other students for money so he can get some food from the vending machine.  No one gives him any money.*

Student 1: "Man, yall's some fuckin' bums! You ain't got no money!"

Me to student 2: "Did he really just call everyone bums because they wouldn't give him any money?"

Sleeper

My first year teaching we had one kid who did nothing but sleep all day.  At first I thought it was just my class, but apparently he slept in every class.  It was so bad that this kid had a permanent case of bed-head.  One day when we were doing state testing the regular bell system was turned off, and several of the teachers decided to conduct an experiment. We decided to not wake him up to change classes to see how long he would sleep.  He slept exactly to the moment lunch started, he went down and ate lunch, came back, and fell asleep to the end of the day.

Consequences...

Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of this experience.

First a bit of backstory:  This particular student had been caught smoking pot the previous year.  He went to the Juvenile Detention Center (JDC) for the remained of the year.  Over the summer he started parole and was allowed to return to school in the fall.

Starting at the beginning of school I had this student twice a day.  Once second hour and then again right after lunch.  My second block class only had one other student at the time and he was generally focused and got his work done.  Forth block was an entirely different story.  He was distracted, goofy, and didn't get anything done.  Everyone knew he was smoking somewhere during lunch.  I had even held him after school to call him out and told him that if he got caught he would probably get kicked out of school.

Fast forward a few weeks. This student comes into second hour and asks to use the bathroom (In the trailer I had an attached bathroom) and wants to use the air freshener (not out of the ordinary since he had been having some issues with gas).  When he goes into the bathroom and I start explaining that day's lesson to the other student.  In the middle of my explanation I stop and start to smell the air. With the other student still in the room I start saying, "Wait... No... He can't be that stupid! ______ get out here right now!"

Their was a toilet flush and he walked out of the bathroom with bright red eyes.  I chewed him out for a bit before calling security.  Security came to check out the situation.  There was ash still on the floor, so there was no denying the fact that he had been smoking in my bathroom.  He was suspended that day and was sent back to JDC by the end of the week.

So about a month after starting my first teaching job I had managed to send a kid to jail.

Testing teachers

It seems like every new teacher is 'tested' by their students.  My test was a particularly interesting experience.  I was a skinny white kid working in an urban alternative school.  Many of my students were felons and most of them had spent time in the Juvenile Detention Center.  I was also out in a trailer separate from the main building, so I was cut off from most support.

A couple weeks into school I had two students start threatening to fight.  Desks started getting pushed out of the way and the students were starting to form a circle around the two guys.  I had been told to never jump in between two students because I could get seriously hurt, so I did the only thing that made sense.

Me: "Guys, take it out to the parking lot."
Everyone: "What?"
Me: "Seriously take it out to the parking lot, I don't want you breaking any of the computers in here.  I am going to call in security, but it will probably take them a couple of minutes to get down.  You guys will have plenty of time to get your blows in because I honestly don't expect your fight to last more than 30 seconds or so."
*The entire class is dead silent.  Most students have a look on their face that says, 'This white dude is fucking crazy!'"
Me: "Well if you aren't going to fight sit back down so we can learn some math."

I never had anyone try to fight in my room again for the rest of the year.