Wasting Time

One of my students is wanting to start her assignment, but her laptop died after spending all of class on youtube.  Now she is wanting me to look up her assignment for her.  Rather than asking the person in front of her for the assignment or to borrow a charger she is turning through the pages of the entire book (not using the table of contents or index) to try and find something related to what we did in class.

Bad Time for a Nap

My principal was observing my class today and she sat down next to a student that was fast asleep.  When he woke up he jumped about a foot out of his seat.

Meta

Student: "Hey teacher, I'm going to the bathroom."

Me: "Hey student, don't be late."

The Function Slide

Me: "Because of this minus two, our function is going to move two spaces to the right."

Student: "Two hops this time!"

What Day Is It?

Me: "Your quiz won't be until thursday because I want you to have the same amount of time as my other classes."

Student: "What are you talking about?  Today is Monday."

Me: "No, today is Tuesday."

Student: "We didn't have school yesterday?"

Me: "No, it was martin Luther King Day.  Did you show up to school yesterday?"

Basic Supplies

"Hey, we managed to save a bunch of money on notebook paper!"

Lottery

Every time the powerball gets big I like to run some comparison numbers.

If each student has a 50% chance of following directions, then a 25 person class will have everyone following directions the first time with the same frequency as winning the powerball.

Repeating directions five times will have all of your class following directions about half of the time.

I think this explains so much about teaching.....

Effort

Co-Teacher: "Why don't you ask Mr.______________ for help?"

Student: "He doesn't care about me."

Me: "I care as much as you do."

Co-Teacher (to student): "Do you care about this class?"

Student: "Maybe a little bit."

B.I.N.G.O.

*Student is quietly taking a test*

Student: "AND BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O!!!"

*Student goes back to being completely silent.*

Consolation Prize

"No, I won't let you make up your Final, but you can have this candy cane if it makes you feel better."

Small World

Student 1: "Aww man I'm about to get with with girl."

Student 2: "Who is she?"

Student 1: "________ she goes to _________"

Student 2: "....what's her last name?"

Student 1: "________"

Student 2: "That's my younger sister!  She's only thirteen!  Imma beat your ass!"

Athletic Ability

Key Feature

Student: "What?!? No Dimples?  Where are his dimples?  I do not appreciate this picture's lack of dimples!"

Euphemism

Student returns to class after an unusually long time in the bathroom

Student: *points to her weave* "I had to get some grease in my hedge."