That Stuff

Student 1: "Man he (student 2) is addicted to that stuff."

Me: "What stuff?"

Student 1: "That crack.  Thats why he's so fat."

*everyone bursts out laughing*

Facespace

Student 1: "Mr, _________ posted a picture of me on Facebook."

Student 2: "I don't even have a Facebook; that is so social media."

The coolest kid in school

*A kid walks into class with his shirt tucked into his sweatpants and his sweatpants are pulled up to his chest.*

Me: "That is awesome."

Student: "Yeah, I'm the coolest."

Me: "No, if you were the coolest you would tuck your pants into your socks."

*He then proceeded to tuck his pants into his socks and wear them that way for the rest of class.*

Ratchet Shapes

*I put up pictures of regular and irregular polygons and I asked students to describe the differences.*

Student: "Those ones (the irregular polygons) are all ratchet."

Me: "Yes, but what is a math term for ratchet?"

Desperate Measures

Student: "Mr., you ever heard of someone stealing some Walmart hamburger meat?"

Me: "Walmart hamburger meat?  Eww, no."

A New Circle of Hell

There is nothing in the world that I hate more than having to proctor a standardized test with freshman.    It is my own personal form of hell.  Today I had to have to remove a student ( the second one removed today) because he crammed a bean bag into his desk and wanted to argue when I told him he wasn't allowed to sit on the bean bag to take his test.

A Piece of Advice

Me (to student):  "If your fourteen year old girlfriend starts talking about having kids you should be scared."

Student: "Hahaha"

Co-Teacher: "No seriously.  Tell that girl, 'See ya', and go buy a playstation.  A playstation is way cheaper than a kid."

Drool

I have a higher rate of attendance today than most mondays, but I also have a higher rate of sleeping (and subsequently drool on assignments) than usual.

Creative Solution

Sometimes people don't want to wake up.

Public Service Announcement

I have a large stack of blank paper that I give to students.  Today I discovered that not all of the pages are blank.  As I was passing out paper one of the sheets had, "Keep it fresh for school." printed on one side.

One of my upper classmen commented, "You should hang they up for your freshman.  They smell."

Lunch

Student 1: "What's for lunch?"

Me: "No idea.  I don't even go down to the cafeteria.:

Student 1: "They should have TV's in each of the rooms that show what is for lunch."

Student 2: "Why?  So you can steal one?"

Big Brother is Watching

When students decide to sleep in class I like to take pictures of them.

The next day this student decided to do the same thing.

Stupid

Every once and a while someone does something so dumb that even the other students say, "Why the hell would you do that?"

Todays event: Showing up to school when you know the police are looking for you.

Disaster Zone

My first to blocks are both freshman and my third block is upperclassmen. Inevitably my room is a complete mess by third block and my upperclassmen ask, "What happened in here?"  My answer is always the same, "Freshmen."

Disease

Normally I don't get anxious about germs but currently my whole class looks on the verge of sneezing out a new organism.  Plus the hallway smells like vomit....

Hello Monday

Me: "For those of you that have been paying attention this assignment should be easy."

Student: "Was that supposed to be funny?"

Me: "Yes, but I am mostly just entertaining myself."

Lights

*There is a thunders storm going on outside and the lights flicker*

Student: "What was that?"

Me: "Mrs. (Principal) forgot to pay the electric bill."

Pants

A student walks into class this morning and the first thing out of his mouth is, "My pants are cold!"

Shaving

When trying to remember the word for a straight razor one of my students came up with the phrase, "That thing that boys shave with to try and feel manly."