I Can't Get No...

I get a smug sense of satisfaction when my phone calls home arrive before the student does.

Done...

Scrabble

I was really excited today that some of my home room students wanted to play scrabble.  Then I had to go first, and I realized that the only word I could play was "anus".

Less Than Nothing

Student: "Why don't you get your sink fixed?"

Me: "I asked for it to get fixed, but I doubt that it will."

Student: "Why not?"

Me: "Well, that costs money."

Student: "Oh yeah.  Thanks Brownback."

Me: "You just made my whole morning."

Achievement Unlocked

Student: "What was your goal as a kid?"

Me: "Probably to play as many video games as possible."

Throwback Thursday

I haven't done a throwback in a while, but this happened my first year of teaching.

Me: "Why are you copying that assignment?  It isn't going to help you on the test, and it isn't worth enough points to change your overall grade."

Student: "Man, you always tryin' to keep me down!"

Principal: "You need to call yourself a ride _________."

Student: "Man, I got my own ride!"

*Student walks out of school, gets in a car, and drives away.  Student is 15, and barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.*

Who Are You?

Holidays

4/20 is the day that all of the non-stoner student are obviously stoned, and all of the stoner students are acting as normal.

Post Prom

Student 1: "I promise that she isn't going to be pregnant between now and then."

Student 2: "You don't know.  There are several more proms coming up"

Student 1: "Oh, that is a good point."

Honesty

Student: "All right, I am ready to fail this test."

LB

Gotta Go

Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

Me: "Get two of the problems from the assignment done first."

Student: "Man, you always say I gotta get work done.  I gotta go."

Me: "Says the person who was late to class for going to the bathroom."

Student: "..."

Me: "So you can wait until the end of class."

*Student receives a detention in exchange for being allowed to go to the bathroom.*

High School Musical

*Bell Rings*

Teacher 1: "Hey, what's that sound?"

Teacher 2 and Teacher 3 singing in unison: "It's the bell.  Better get to class."

Me: "I feel like this is something that should be on youtube."

Those Who Pay Attention

Almost every Friday I have multiple students come to me convinced that we have a test.  This hasn't happened today and half of my first hour class is gone.  The correlation is interesting.

Dictate

Me: "Does anyone want want to write the answer up on the board?"

*silence*

Me: "So you all want me to write it up there?  You want to see my amazing handwriting?"

Student: "Ugh, no.  I will write it up there."

/headdesk

I'm not sure what's worse.  One of my students asking someone else for the answer to two minus seven, or the second student honestly giving a wrong answer.

Don't Try to Sell Me Crap...

The teacher across the hall has a sub today, and he just tried to sell me manure...

Ruin a Weekend...

I had a parent conference this morning.  It went something like this.

Me: "Your son has been skipping my class, and has failed to show up for any of the detentions he has been assigned."

Parent to student: "You have me missing work today because you cannot get where you are supposed to be?!?  What the hell is wrong with you?"

Dramatic Numbers

Student: "Do we just collide the numbers that are on the same side?"

Me: "Combine, but yes.  I think I am going to use collide instead of combine.  It sounds more dramatic."

....Is In The Air