B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Student: "Can I return this to (Teacher)?"

Me: "Sure"

*5 minutes go by and the student returns*

Student: "Man that class was crazy!  They were in there throwing bananas!"

Me: "Well that was a freshman class, and we know that freshman act like a bunch of monkeys."

Trash TV

*Student working on a problem for science class*

Student: "Hey Mr., what are three things people use DNA for?"

Me: "You ever watch CSI?"

Student: "Yeah, I got that one."

Me: "You ever watch Maury?"

Student: "Ohhhhhh snap!"

All-Stars

This year our community decided to have a traveling trophy for the teacher of the weekend.  I won it this week and I will wear it proudly until next Wednesday.

Am I in the Right Place?

As previously stated, I work in an urban school, but today I had the most suburban thing (possibly in the history of the school) happen.

In homeroom one of my students brought a ukelele, started playing the song 'Riptide', and tried to get the rest of class to sing along.

It was adorable, but it confused the hell out of most of my students.

The Writing on the Wall

Student: "Man, why do you always have to be writin' on the chalk board?"

Me: "....Because I don't want to be writin' on the walls."

Leave Me Alone!

Student: "Ok Mr. I get this"

Me: "Do you actually get this or are you just saying that so I will go away."

Consent

Student 1: "She's trying to poke me with a pencil!"

Student 2: "Do you want me to poke you with my finger?"

Student 1: "I don't want you to poke me at all."

Sometime I Don't Even Argue

Under the Influence

Student 1 (to student 2): "Dude, your eyes are all red!  Are you high?"

Student 2: *looks at me* "No, I'm.... tired."

Student 3: (to student 1) "What the hell is wrong with you?  The teacher is standing right there."

First Week

I had a student stay after for help on the third day of school.  This could be really good because his is willing to ask for help, or it could be terrible because he needs help on topics that should be review.

Leaky Ceiling

Me: "I wonder if they fixed my leaky ceiling."

Teacher: "I was told not to worry about it and, 'That just happens.'"

Don't Be Late

Party Time

Student: "Hey Mr.! Did you party this summer?"

Me: "Do I look like the kind of person who likes to party?"

Student: "Yeah, I'll bet you party with your geeky friends."

Me: "Fair enough."

Parking

Me: "I'm here to get my parking pass.  I figure after five years of working here I should probably have one."

*Secretary gets a parking pass*

Teacher: "Wait, what is that?"

Secretary: "It's a parking pass, so you can park in the teacher lot."

Teacher: "We have those?"

Secretary: *sigh*