Retro Printers

I found two boxes this morning.  My students couldn't understand why I was so excited.

I Don't Even Want to Know: Follow Up

A couple weeks back I posted about a student leaving his phone in the bathroom after taking pictures.  Today his computer's screensaver was flipping through his pictures, and there was clearly someone standing at a urinal.

Victor Fries

Student 1: "Dude, this girl was dressed like Batman!"

Student 2: "Batman is tight."

Me: "Yeah, Batman is awesome.  What's the problem?"

Student 1: "She was wearing a short skirt and fishnets.  It was thirty degrees this morning.  Wasn't she cold?"

Me: "Batman doesn't get cold."

Batman

I just saw Batman wandering the halls before class started.  It is too early for this level of weird.  I'm not sure I am ever going to get the hang of Thursdays.

Awkward Turtle

Semantics

Me: "Why aren't you taking notes?"

*Student grabs a sheet of paper from someone else's desk*: "I took notes!"

Me: "You took notes from someone else."

Student: "Fair enough."

My Reaction Would Have Been Similar

Me: "You should be working on your assignment.  This is a new quarter, and if you get today's assignment done you will have an A at the end of today."

Student 1: "The bookshelf is all the way across the room.  That is so far away.  Hey (student 2), will you get me a book?"

Student 2: "I'm already done with the assignment.  Get your own damn book."

Words Matter

Student 1 (to student 2): "Man, Mexican food tastes like dog food."

Student 2: "That is offensive.  You are comparing Mexican people to dogs."

Student 1: "How is that offensive?  I didn't say that."

Me: "You may not have said those exact words, but your words had that meaning."

Co-Teacher: "I'm wondering how you know the taste of dog food."

*the entire class bursts out laughing at student 1*

Student2: "Now you know how I feel."

Quiddich

I Don't Even Want to Know

Student: "I left my phone in the bathroom."

Me: "Why did you have your phone out in the bathroom?"

Student: "Because I was taking a picture."

Me: "That was probably the worst response you could have given..."

End of Quarter Whining

I am genuinely impressed when a student is passing after only having been in my class for a total of 11 days, but if you start complaining about your grade I am quickly going to lose sympathy.

Loan Shark

You Stink at Math

Why do the students that need to most help always smell like cats?

Field Trips

I have chaperoned two field trips in all of my years of teaching.  While I was away on the first one a student tried to set my recycling bin on fire.  The most recent one saw one of my students projectile vomit in the middle of a college cafeteria.

These are not encouraging...

Check Your Work

Student: "What am I doing wrong here?  This doesn't make sense."

Me: "Well 3 times -1 isn't 4."

Student: "Ohhhhh...."