Time for a break

Random student: "Man, this is bullshit."

Me: "Watch your language"

Student 1: "You don't cuss?"

Me: "No, I cuss.  There is a time and place for everything."

Student 1: "Wait, so you cuss at home?"

Me: "Like a sailor."


We are off for winter break.  See you all in two weeks.

Final Silliness: Part 2

*in the middle of our algebra 1 final*

Student: "So if I do 11 out of 22 problems is that good?"

Me: "Well it would be a 50% if you got everything right."

Student: ".....Damn"

Music

*One of my favorite hobbies is pretending I am older and more out of touch than I actually am*

Student (to another student):  "Man, how do you not know who Drake is?  Everyone knows who Drake is.  Mr. I'll bet you even know who Drake is."

Me: "Yeah, he is that dude singing about the thrift shop."

*Half the room though I was being serious.  The other half thought it was hilarious.*

I don't always give extra credit....

So this happened while grading finals today....

Final Silliness: Part 1

Male student: "Man, these black women are always trying to keep me down.  I'll bet you know all about that Mr."

Female student: "Man, he is white.  What the hell you talkin' about?"

Male student: "I know he is white, but he prolly knows all about having that black chick on his back."

Female student: "Will you be quiet so we can take our test?'

Male Student: "See what I am talking about Mr.?"

Me: "Just take your test..."

Finals

Today my students are taking their comprehensive final.  I allow them to have one full sheet of paper with whatever formulas and definitions that they want.  Before school started today I had a student come to me with a very special question.

Student: "Mr., you know the notes from this semester?  Do you have them?"

Me: "Do you mean the videos that we watched?"

Student: "No, the notes you put on the board."

Me: "No.  I erase those after you all write them down...."

Bag o' crazy

In an alternative school there are many students who appear suddenly and randomly and then disappear in a similar fashion.

We had one particular student who showed up on her first day with a grocery bag filled with at least 50 lighters.  When questioned she say, "In case I need one."

Several weeks later she started talking about being followed by unmarked vans.  She stopped showing up to school shortly after.  I heard that she had been picked up by the police and brought to an institution, but part of me still entertains the idea that she was correct.

Interwebz

Student 1: "I got 750 followers."

Student 2:  "Whatever, I got over 1000 followers."

Me: "Man, you guys are so cool.... on the internet."

Age

I had meetings all day today so here is one from last year.

Student: "Mr. ________ how old are you?"
Me: "Guess"
Student: "30?" 
Me: "Nope"
Student: "50?" 
Me: "No"
Student: "60?" 
Me: "...Yep, there it is."

Noodles

*on Friday*

Student: "Mr. I am going to try the noodle diet."

Me: "What is that?"

Student: "It is where you eat nothing but ramen noodles."

Me: "This sounds like a terrible idea.  I did that for a year in college; I would not recommend it."



*On Monday*

Student: "I was sick this weekend"

Me: "....What happened?"

Student: "Well I ate two packets of noodles for lunch on Friday and then three packets for dinner.  Then why I tried to eat on Saturday I was just sick."

Me: "...."

Sometimes we all just want to...

Student: "Mr. would I get in trouble if I smacked him right now?"

Me: *sigh* "Yes, you should probably wait until you are out of sight of any teachers."

Student: "Would you mind turning around?"

Anatomy

Every Wednesday I have a conversation with each of the people in my homeroom about their classes and what they need to be doing to make sure they are passing their classes.

Me: "You need to be passing biology.  This is required for graduation.  If you don't pass it now then you will have to take the class again."

Student (yelling): "Why do we need biology?  We know where the penis is!  We know where the dookie comes from!"

Time

Student: "Mr. does it ever feel like you are racing against time?  Like you just don't have any time to spare?"

Me: "That feeling never seems to stop."

This is wack!

Student: "Man, what kind of crack are you on today?!?"

Welcome Back

I have had a horrifying realization upon returning to school today.

Either I have gotten used to the smell of teenagers (and only notice it when I am away from them for several days), or I have multiple students who did not shower over our 5 day weekend.