Follow the duck

During my first year of teaching my school was temporarily moved to the basement of a condemned mall.  Since this wasn't regularly used as a school (previously a day care) there was no bell system.  One of the science teachers had taken to running up and down the halls while blowing a duck call.

Private Lives

Student 1: "You go to church Mr.?"
Me: "No"
Student 1: "Why not?
Me: "Because I'm not religious."
Student 1: "Whats wrong with you?"
Student 2: "Dude, stay out of his business.  He ain't botherin' you."

Waffles

Student: "How come these dry ass waffles ain't got no syrup?"
Me: "If you guys had syrup you would make a mess everywhere."
Student: "We ain't no kids.  We can handle some syrup."

The Wambulance

*I give students time in class every day to start their assignments, and most people who work the whole time can usually finish before the end of class.*

Student: Mr. this is too much.  Can't we do fewer problems?
Me: Maybe you should complain more.
Student: C'mon, this is doin too much.

*In front of the whole class.*

Me: Shhhhhhhhhh, do you guys hear that?
Various students: What?
Me: I think I hear the wambulance.
First student: What's the wambulance?

*This is the worst possible thing he could of said.  Once again this is done in front of a class of 30 students*

Me: WAAAAAA!!!!! WAAAAA!!!!  Oh! I hear the wambulance!  WAAAA!!!  WAAAAA!!!  Here it comes down the hall.  Hurry, if you run outside I'm sure you could hop on!
Student:....

*The rest of the students reactions were a mixture between silent confusion and laughing hysterically.*

Summer 'vacation'

*student from last year*: "Hey Mr.  Hows it going?"
Me: "Good.  Did you have a good summer?"
Student: "I was locked up all summer."
Me: "That doesn't sound like a good summer."

Flirting

The preferred method of flirting for most high school students is to pelt the person with whatever object is laying around.  This could be anything from a pencil to a bag of animal crackers.

Throwback Thursday!

*The sounds of an obvious fight come from the hallway*
Student: "Is that a fight out there?"
Me: "Can't you hear them?  They are so excited about math."
*I stick my head outside to make sure the fight is getting broken up*
Me to my class: "They are all about the polynomials out there."

Rough day

Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good.  Not every day can be bright and happy.

This morning one of my students told me that her cousin had committed suicide and that she was going to be gone for several days to spend time with her family.  She also said that this was the second incident of gun related violence in her family in the last week as her sister's boyfriend had been shot and was recovering in the hospital.

While she was upset her main concern was for her daughter.  "How do I explain this to my baby girl?"

It is days like this that make me think, 'I may be older than you, but you act like much more of an adult.'

Brutal Honesty

Me: "I can never tell if you all don't get my jokes, you aren't paying attention, or you simply don't care."
Student: "Usually a combination of all three."

What's in a name?

I spent a significant period of time this weekend practicing the pronunciation of a particular student's name.  It was extremely rewarding when she told me I had said it correctly.

Handshakes

One of my students has informed me that "nobody" does the 'pound and explode' after a handshake anymore.  Everyone now does the 'snap' move instead.  He has been trying to get me to start snapping.  Instead I think I am going to make up a new move every time I see him.

Old Skool

Throwback Thursday!  This is from my first year of teaching during a two week period of sharing my math class with an art class.

*Students are listening to rap*
Other teacher: "Would you turn it down?!? I am trying to listen to Slayer."

Disappointment...

Student:  "Aww, Mr. you got NWA on your laptop?"
Me: "Yeah, go ahead and play some.  It is radio friendly by the way so there isn't any cussing."
Student: "...."

First day of school

This (school) year I have decided to start a blog full of the random and usually hilarious things that my students say in class.  For the most part I want to keep it focused simply on what the students are saying rather than me complaining or bringing politics into this.

From time to time I may put up an old quote when nothing of note has happened.  Here is a good one from a few years back.

Student: "Man, My weave itch"
Me: "I get that problem all the time."
Student: "Mr. you have a weave? Man that's crispy."