Distractions

*Student tapping on the desk*

Student: "I should have learned the drums."

Me: "It is never too late to learn, but not during math class."

Food Relations

"The amount of ratchet in a bbq place is directly proportional to how delicious it is."

Go to Class

Me: "Ladies, aren't you supposed to be in class."

Student 1: "We are, but we are fat."

Me: "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything."

Student 2: "It means we are lazy."

Me: "So are you saying that skinny people aren't lazy?"

Student 1: "Yup."

Damn Lines

Student: "Ok, so you see where these lines cross?"

student 2: "What fuckin' lines are you even looking at?"

Pain

Me (in an incredibly sarcastic tone): "Aren't matrices fun?!?!"

Student: "Well, they aren't the worst thing in the world...."

Disturbing Truth

If the hallways are loud, but you don't see anyone, then there is a fight somewhere.

Ice Ice Baby

Me: "You guys need to stop before I send you to (Culinary teacher) to get some ice."

Student: "What?"

Me: "You guys have no chill."

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A Degree in BS

Student: "Do you ever get mixed up on this?"

Me: "All the time.  Remember when I corrected myself earlier today?"

Dress Down

I Run So Far Away...

Student: "You know I run these streets..."

Me: "How fast do you run?"

Job Description

Me: "Try out the bellwork, this is just like yesterday."

Student: "I already know how to do this."

Me: "Show me."

Student: "You show me that you know how to do this."

Me: "I did.  Yesterday."



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Your Mouth is Writing Checks

Student: "Man, why do I have an F?  I turned in one of my missing assignments on Monday.  My grade better go up, otherwise I'm going to call my mom."

Me: "I would be happy to talk to your mother about your grade and your work in class any time she likes."

*Student's eyes go wide, and he sits down quietly.*

Lucky Guess

I went with one of my coworkers to visit this student in the hospital.  It was a difficult experience, but I was glad that we saw him.  His family is currently trying to raise funds to move him to a hospital that has a brain injury specialist.

Post Halloween

The day after halloween is always the day when student bring tons of candy to eat in class.  Today, while most people were eating their cheap candy one student simply brought a jar of nutella and a spoon.  This is how you win at life.