Obvious Answers

Stubborn

Student 1: "Girl, you are not doing that problem right."

Student 2: "Whatever, I know what I'm doing."

Student 1: "Go talk to him! He is going to tell you that you wrong."

*Student 2 walks over to me*

Student 2: "Am I right?"

Me: "Errrrrrrr, no...."

Student 1: "See, now come back over here so I can teach you what's up."

Blunt

Student: "Hey, the band sounds pretty good inside."

Me: "Are you saying that they don't sound good when they play outside?"

Student: "Yes."

I Don't Even Know...

If you ever want to feel incredibly confused, have an ESL student give you a twenty minute explanation of their favorite anime show.

Throwback Thursday

When I was teaching at the alternative school one of my students gave a presentation at the school board conference.  He did a good job and our superintendent said that he was, "dressed like a professional."  All of the teachers found this hilarious because he had recently been suspended for stripping down to his boxers and running all over school in nothing but his underwear.

Limit of Consumption

JB

Student 1: "Mr., is your hair soft?"

Student 2: "Man, I'll bet he's got that Justin Beiber hair."

Realistic Expectations

Student: "Hey Mr., you got plans this weekend?"

Me: "I'm probably going to not sleep."

Student: "What?"

Me: "Let's be real.  I'm going to wake up at 6:00 AM and not go back to sleep."

Hindsight

*A student is asking me a question in class and his voice cracks in the middle of the question.*

Me: "Isn't being a teenager great?"

Student: "Hahah, yeah..."

Me: "...No, it isn't.  Being a teenager was fairly terrible."

Bonding

Looking back at my first year of teaching I realize that most of the bonding I did with my co-workers was not from the social events outside of school; it happened when our school was crammed into the basement of a condemned for several weeks.

Workin' For the Weekend

Teacher: "I can't believe that it is only Tuesday."

Me: "This is the longest week ever."

Student: "You guys are hilarious

Creepy Folder

A lot of my office supplies were left by previous teachers, so many of my folders have students names from years (possibly decades) ago; however I just found a folder labeled "People Hunt"

Low Point

As a teacher I am supposed to try and help all students, but some students are too far gone.

When a student comes to me and says, "I'm really into Nickleback!" there simply isn't anything I can do.

Throwback Thursday

When you are a first year teacher you get observed regularly by anyone and everyone that can claim power above you.

During one observation from my principal, a student passed out so hard that he failed to wake when his cell phone started ringing.  Once the 'hardcore rap' ringtone hit the string of cuss words, most of the room had a hard time not laughing.

The Monkeys Are Running the Zoo

During passing period today the teacher across the hall and I started doing a slow clap and just as we reached the apex of clapping the bell rang.  We were really excited, but most everyone else just stared at us in confusion.

Sanity Check

I'm fairly certain that one of my students was driven insane by my most recent test.  Her starting work was logical, organized, and neat.  As she progressed through the test her handwriting got worse and worse.  By the end of the test everything was a sprawling mess.

Truth

Student: "Hey Mr.  You are dressed all sharp today."

Me: "It's laundry day."

Slow Start

You know Monday morning was rough when your students walk into class on Tuesday and you think, "They definitely weren't here yesterday, and I definitely didn't mark them absent."

Oh no....

One of my co-workers was grading a previously written test at lunch today.  It had a word problem about a person named Jared who was trying to sell his computer.

This may be the most awkward and inappropriately timed word problem ever.