Clocks

Student 1: "It's 11:11! Make a wish!"

Me: "That happens twice a day.  It isn't really a big deal."

Student 2: "What?  That doesn't happen twice a day."

Student 1: "Are you an idiot?"

NHS

Hearts Aflutter

Female Student: "Who was that teacher in here earlier?"

Me: "He was a student from (local college)."

Female Student: "Oh he needs to come back."

We Ain't Stupid

Student: "I'm not about to go down there and talk to her, cuz I know she is going to say something smart."

Me: "Well it is better than her saying something stupid."

Party Time

*Friday afternoon conversation*

Student: "Hey Mr., Are you goin' to the pajama party this weekend?"

Me: "....No"

Student: "Man you teachers never go to parties.  Do you ever have fun?"

Girlfights

The severity of any fight can be judged by the amount of weave left on the ground.  This week was particularly bad.

Check Out My Hook

Any day I can seamlessly integrate Vanilla Ice's lyrics into my lesson is a good day.

Doppelganger

*Today was the first day where my new classes saw one of my instructional videos.*

Student: "Wait, is that you?" (It is very clearly my face projected up on the wall)

Me: "Nope, it is just some other person who looks exactly like me, also teaches math, and has that exact same chalkboard."


*Ten minutes later*

Student: "No way, that has to be you. It sounds exactly like you."

/facepalm

Value

*A graduated student came to visit his former teachers including myself.*

Student: "Hey Mr., do you like pie?"

Me: "What? Yeah, I guess so."

Student: "My work has these 'Pies in a Jar', and I was thinking about bringing you one."

Me: "Wow, that would be really nice."

Student: "They are $10.99, so they are kind of expensive, but you are worth it."

My Own Private Nuthouse

Student: "I feel like I am asking a lot of questions."

Me: "Good.  If you guys don't ask questions then I am just going to wander around the room and talk to myself."

The Circle of Life

He then proceeded to sing the first line (only) of The Lion King repeatedly through the rest of class.

Gangsta' Gangsta' Education

"Mr. _________ went all gangsta' on them!"

*whispered as I removed two students who were fighting from my room.*

You Know I'm Bad...

"Moonwalk your way back into class.  We still have two minutes until the bell rings."

Off to a Bad Start

One week into the semester my first hour class is missing 35 assignments.  That is an average of 1.3 assignments per person.  This could be a long semester.

No Scrubs

One of my small classes only has two guys and the rest of the class are girls.

Today the guys were listening too "No Scrubs" by T.L.C.  Both of them were singing along in unison while one of them did a little dance in his seat.

The rest of the class just stared in disbelief while I failed to control my laughter.  Neither of the guys seemed to notice.

Winter

There was strong speculation today on whether or not we would have school, but we did end up having school despite the -15 degree wind chill this morning.

Out of the 95 students on my roster I have seen 14.

Mythical Creatures

Student 1: "Hey Mr., what's a Liger?"

Me: "It's a mix between a lion and a tiger bred for its magical properties."

Student 2: "See, I told you."

Student 1: "Is it real."

Me: *uncontrollable giggling* "Sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face through that one."

Winter Break

Over winter break I saw one of my students at Target, but she didn't recognize me.  This is especially good because I had just gotten home from a nine hour car ride, I hadn't showered in over 24 hours, and it had been several days since I shaved.  I'm sure I looked like a hot mess.