Too late

Another story from my first year.

Student to me: "I am going to pull my phone out to call _______ and you better not take it."

*I eye the student suspiciously*

Student: "Shit, Ms. __________ already took it."

On Borrowing Pencils

If a student doesn't bring their supplies to class I will trade them for a pencil.  Most of the time people trade their student ID.  Now I have a desk full of ID's and no pencils.  New ID's cost $5 each....

Use the Force

Student: "Can you get me a book?"

*At this point I am all the way across the room from the text books.  I stretch out my arm as far as it will go.*

Me: "Sorry, I can't reach them."

Student: "Use the force.  Pull the book over here."

*I stretch out my arm again*

Me: "HGGGGGGNNNNN.  Nope, still can't get it.  Looks like you have to walk over there yourself."

Catch the snitches!

Student: "Mr. do you like snitches?"

Me: "Oh, I love quiddich!"

Student: "What? No, snitches."

Me: "Yeah, the snitch is the little golden ball that flies around that you have to catch to end the match."

Student: "...what?"

Me: "You know, in Harry Potter."

Birthdays

Student: "Is my birthday in two weeks?"

Me: "You don't know when your birthday is?"

Free time

One particular Friday my first year of teaching I decided to give some students some free time at the end of class and everyone is immediately drawn into their own little world on the internet.  A couple of the female students decide to play an online dress up game and when one of the boys in class he decides that he wants to play too.  I am already laughing to myself because I now have a thugged out boy basically playing with dolls in my classroom, but the ensuing conversation just made me lose it in front of everyone.

*The boy dresses up his character in fishnets, tall boots, and a tutu.*

Girl: "What the heck kind of an outfit is that?"

Boy (being completely serious): "Oh, it just sort of a nice going out outfit."

Girl: "She looks like a hooker.  Where is she supposed to be going out?"

Boy (Once again being completely serious): "Wherever, you know.  The movies, or maybe to the club."


*Lucky for me my students don't really pay attention to what I do because I'm pretty sure I was crying from laughing so hard.*

Dancing

Student: "I'm the best salsa dancer in (our city)"

Me: "What?"

Student: "Yeah, I was on American Idol."

Me: "American Idol is a singing show."

Student: "I lost."