Parking

Me: "I'm here to get my parking pass.  I figure after five years of working here I should probably have one."

*Secretary gets a parking pass*

Teacher: "Wait, what is that?"

Secretary: "It's a parking pass, so you can park in the teacher lot."

Teacher: "We have those?"

Secretary: *sigh*

Who Did This?!?!

Student walks in and sees the desks re-arranged for testing.

Student: "What the hell?  When did this happen?"

Co-teacher: "Somehow I think this is all your fault."

Student: "I wasn't even here yesterday."

Me: "So you weren't here to stop this nonsense?  That means it IS your fault."

Rumored Fight: Part 2

Me: "I'm looking for (student)."

Other Teacher: "She isn't here.  I hear that you and her really got into it a while back."

Me: "What?  I haven't seen her in months."

Other Teacher: "Oh, she was claiming that she was suspended for a while because she got into a fight and punched you."

Me: "I would bet money on her skipping school, and then using this as an excuse."

What You Need

Co-teacher: "Do the problem"

Student: "I don't want to."

Co-teacher: "I don't care what you want; do the problem."

Done With It

Me: "From now on I am no longer answering the question 'what time does class end'.  If you ask me this question I will tell you to ask someone else."

Growing Up

It is very rare that former students come to visit me.  Most people do not remember their freshman/sophomore math teacher fondly.

I recently had a student come back and visit.  When she was in my class she skipped regularly, slept most of the time she was in class, and occasionally got into fights outside of class.  She told me that she had transferred to an alternative school at the beginning of the semester and that she had just graduated.  This meant that she was going to school from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm every day for four straight months.

She also said that she hung out with some of her old friends a couple weeks ago for the first time since leaving my school, and realized that if she had continued to hang out with those old friends then she would have dropped out of school.  Now she is clean, sober, and getting ready to start community college.  The most significant part of the conversation was not that she managed to graduate on time (an incredibly impressive feat), but that she realized that she was better off not being around her old friends.

This is probably the single most mature thing I have ever heard from a student.

The Dark Side

*I recently decided that I needed to incorporate more Darth Vader quotes into my teaching.*

Student: "You said that there weren't supposed to be decimals on the test."

Me: "I am altering the deal.  Pray I don't alter it any further."