Spinal Tap

Me: "What did you guys do this weekend?"

Student: "Aw man, me and my friends we turned it up."

Me: "To eleven?"

So there's that....

No matter how many times it happens I never know how to respond when a fifteen year old girl tells me she is pregnant.

This same student was telling me about her sister having a few months back.

Happy Birthday?

Student: "Is my birthday in two weeks?"

Me: "You don't know when your birthday is?"

Reality Check

Today is one of those days where I am reminded that some of my students have very real issues that I cannot fix.  Many students want to escape from school, but some use school as an escape.

Fashion Statement

Some days I honestly can't tell if my students are wearing lipstick or if they have simply eaten too many hot cheetos.

Feed Me!

Student: "Do you have anything to eat?"

Me: "Nope."

Student: "No apple, crackers, pears?  Nothing?"

Me: "Nope"

Student: "How do you live?"

Me: "I feed off of children's tears."

Papers Please

Student: "Where am I supposed to turn these papers in?"

Me: "What are they?"

Student: "I don't know."

Me: "How am I supposed to know where they go if you don't even know what they are?"

Is everybody paying attention?

I don't have students today, but here is a conversation I had about 30 min before the end of yesterday.

Student: "So, I didn't realize that we were supposed to turn in our assignments."

Me: "Wait, what?  What did you think that you were supposed to do with them?"

Student: "I don't know.  I wasn't really paying attention.  I spend a lot of time on Facebook."

Me: "So you didn't get the hint when everyone else was turning in papers?"

Third Quarter

Today is the last day for the quarter.  This day is also known as, "Turn in everything in my binder including notes and previous assignments that I have already turned in, so I can try to get more points day."

Doin' The Most

*Students are working on a multi-step word problem*

Me: "You should really try on this."

Student: "I worked so hard on this.  Put in so much effort."

*The paper is blank except for his name and the date.*

Me: "Whoa! You have your name AND the date? Wow, you may need to lay down and rest after that one."

Bad Weave

Student 1: "I'm so excited, the weather next week is supposed to be nice.  Imma put in my bad weave."

Me: "Your bad weave?"

Student 1: "My bad B weave."

Student 2: "Your bad bitch weave?"

Me: "I clearly didn't understand what she was saying, thank you for explaining."

Music

*I hear music through someone's headphones across the room.*

Me (to student 1): "Is that your music or his music?"

Student 1 (to student 2): "Dude, turn down your music."

Student 2 (headphones still in): "I'M NOT EVEN LISTENING TO MUSIC."

Student 1: "How can you be that bad at lying?"

I Am the Nightmare

Student (who hasn't been in class for at least two weeks): "When is our test over this?"

Me: "In about thirty seconds.  Class, are there any final questions before I pass out the test?"

More Sayings

"Mr. did you cut your hair?"
"Nope, someone else cut it for me."

"Mr. did you get a hair cut?"
"Nope, I got all of them cut."

Cash Money

Student: "Mr. do you have change for a twenty?"

Me: "Do I look like I'm made out of money?"

Student: "I wish you were."

Me: "Me too."

Cabin Pressure Has Returned to Normal

Well after two days of being sick and one snow day I am back in the classroom.

The students must have noticed that I rarely take sick days because I was greeted with, "How you gonna leave us like that?"