Age

I had meetings all day today so here is one from last year.

Student: "Mr. ________ how old are you?"
Me: "Guess"
Student: "30?" 
Me: "Nope"
Student: "50?" 
Me: "No"
Student: "60?" 
Me: "...Yep, there it is."

Noodles

*on Friday*

Student: "Mr. I am going to try the noodle diet."

Me: "What is that?"

Student: "It is where you eat nothing but ramen noodles."

Me: "This sounds like a terrible idea.  I did that for a year in college; I would not recommend it."



*On Monday*

Student: "I was sick this weekend"

Me: "....What happened?"

Student: "Well I ate two packets of noodles for lunch on Friday and then three packets for dinner.  Then why I tried to eat on Saturday I was just sick."

Me: "...."

Sometimes we all just want to...

Student: "Mr. would I get in trouble if I smacked him right now?"

Me: *sigh* "Yes, you should probably wait until you are out of sight of any teachers."

Student: "Would you mind turning around?"

Anatomy

Every Wednesday I have a conversation with each of the people in my homeroom about their classes and what they need to be doing to make sure they are passing their classes.

Me: "You need to be passing biology.  This is required for graduation.  If you don't pass it now then you will have to take the class again."

Student (yelling): "Why do we need biology?  We know where the penis is!  We know where the dookie comes from!"

Time

Student: "Mr. does it ever feel like you are racing against time?  Like you just don't have any time to spare?"

Me: "That feeling never seems to stop."

This is wack!

Student: "Man, what kind of crack are you on today?!?"

Welcome Back

I have had a horrifying realization upon returning to school today.

Either I have gotten used to the smell of teenagers (and only notice it when I am away from them for several days), or I have multiple students who did not shower over our 5 day weekend.