Less Than Six Hours

*On the last day of class everyone is scrambling to turn things in to all their teachers.  Three students in a row all ask me to go see other teachers*

Me: "Apparently everyone has some place they need to be, but none of those places are here."

*Student takes out headphones*

Student: "Hey Mr., could I go to the library to print something?

/facepalm

Recharge

The Final Countdown

*student turns in the review packet*

Student: "I am so nervous, I didn't understand some of these problems."

Me: "It doesn't really matter.  You had an A, so you don't have to take the final."

Student: "Yeah, but won't I lose points if I get the questions in the packet wrong?"

Me: "Every student just took a final, I have over a thousand problems that I have to grade.  The review packet is just for completion."

Student: "Oh yeah!  High five to that!  What are we doing on Thursday?"

Me: "Make up work."

Student: "So if I have everything turned in...."

Me: "There won't be anything new."

Student: "Well, I will see you after break!"

Painful for Everyone

All of my students are going to be taking their final tomorrow, so I will have a total of 1445 problems to grade.  If I spend exactly 30 seconds grading each problem it will only take me 12 hours to grade all of them.

Serious Shade

Student: "Oooooo, I am so glad that we don't have _________ for our principal.  Her and her weave...."

Mama Bear

Student 1: "When is our next test?"

Me: "Tomorrow, where have you been?"

Student 1: "Asleep, over there."

Student 2: "Imma need you to come sit by me, so you actually do your work today."

Burn

Student: "How old are you?"

Me: "I'm thirty."

Student 1: "You don't look thirty."

Student 2: "Yeah, you look forty."

Spirit Animal

One of my students just walked into my first hour wearing a shirt that says, "Ok, but coffee first."  I think this needs to be my new motto.

Settling Down

Student: "Do you like being married to another teacher?"

Me: "Yeah, it's nice."

Student: "You don't want a doctor wife?"

Me: "I would love a sugar momma, but I don't think that's going to happen."

I Am Not Funny

Me: "If I am going too fast just let me know.  I don't want anyone to think that I am rushin'."

Class: "...."

Me: "Though I could be mistaken for Ukrainian."

Class: "..."

Me: "*Sigh*  If Ms. (Co-teacher) were here, she would laugh at my jokes."