Less Than Six Hours

*On the last day of class everyone is scrambling to turn things in to all their teachers.  Three students in a row all ask me to go see other teachers*

Me: "Apparently everyone has some place they need to be, but none of those places are here."

*Student takes out headphones*

Student: "Hey Mr., could I go to the library to print something?

/facepalm

Recharge

The Final Countdown

*student turns in the review packet*

Student: "I am so nervous, I didn't understand some of these problems."

Me: "It doesn't really matter.  You had an A, so you don't have to take the final."

Student: "Yeah, but won't I lose points if I get the questions in the packet wrong?"

Me: "Every student just took a final, I have over a thousand problems that I have to grade.  The review packet is just for completion."

Student: "Oh yeah!  High five to that!  What are we doing on Thursday?"

Me: "Make up work."

Student: "So if I have everything turned in...."

Me: "There won't be anything new."

Student: "Well, I will see you after break!"

Painful for Everyone

All of my students are going to be taking their final tomorrow, so I will have a total of 1445 problems to grade.  If I spend exactly 30 seconds grading each problem it will only take me 12 hours to grade all of them.

Serious Shade

Student: "Oooooo, I am so glad that we don't have _________ for our principal.  Her and her weave...."

Mama Bear

Student 1: "When is our next test?"

Me: "Tomorrow, where have you been?"

Student 1: "Asleep, over there."

Student 2: "Imma need you to come sit by me, so you actually do your work today."

Burn

Student: "How old are you?"

Me: "I'm thirty."

Student 1: "You don't look thirty."

Student 2: "Yeah, you look forty."

Spirit Animal

One of my students just walked into my first hour wearing a shirt that says, "Ok, but coffee first."  I think this needs to be my new motto.

Settling Down

Student: "Do you like being married to another teacher?"

Me: "Yeah, it's nice."

Student: "You don't want a doctor wife?"

Me: "I would love a sugar momma, but I don't think that's going to happen."

I Am Not Funny

Me: "If I am going too fast just let me know.  I don't want anyone to think that I am rushin'."

Class: "...."

Me: "Though I could be mistaken for Ukrainian."

Class: "..."

Me: "*Sigh*  If Ms. (Co-teacher) were here, she would laugh at my jokes."

Distractions

*Student tapping on the desk*

Student: "I should have learned the drums."

Me: "It is never too late to learn, but not during math class."

Food Relations

"The amount of ratchet in a bbq place is directly proportional to how delicious it is."

Go to Class

Me: "Ladies, aren't you supposed to be in class."

Student 1: "We are, but we are fat."

Me: "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything."

Student 2: "It means we are lazy."

Me: "So are you saying that skinny people aren't lazy?"

Student 1: "Yup."

Damn Lines

Student: "Ok, so you see where these lines cross?"

student 2: "What fuckin' lines are you even looking at?"

Pain

Me (in an incredibly sarcastic tone): "Aren't matrices fun?!?!"

Student: "Well, they aren't the worst thing in the world...."

Disturbing Truth

If the hallways are loud, but you don't see anyone, then there is a fight somewhere.

Ice Ice Baby

Me: "You guys need to stop before I send you to (Culinary teacher) to get some ice."

Student: "What?"

Me: "You guys have no chill."

**Don't forget to follow me on twitter @SR_Triangles**

A Degree in BS

Student: "Do you ever get mixed up on this?"

Me: "All the time.  Remember when I corrected myself earlier today?"

Dress Down

I Run So Far Away...

Student: "You know I run these streets..."

Me: "How fast do you run?"

Job Description

Me: "Try out the bellwork, this is just like yesterday."

Student: "I already know how to do this."

Me: "Show me."

Student: "You show me that you know how to do this."

Me: "I did.  Yesterday."



** For those of you who want even MORE updates you can now follow me on twitter @SR_Triangles**

Your Mouth is Writing Checks

Student: "Man, why do I have an F?  I turned in one of my missing assignments on Monday.  My grade better go up, otherwise I'm going to call my mom."

Me: "I would be happy to talk to your mother about your grade and your work in class any time she likes."

*Student's eyes go wide, and he sits down quietly.*

Lucky Guess

I went with one of my coworkers to visit this student in the hospital.  It was a difficult experience, but I was glad that we saw him.  His family is currently trying to raise funds to move him to a hospital that has a brain injury specialist.

Post Halloween

The day after halloween is always the day when student bring tons of candy to eat in class.  Today, while most people were eating their cheap candy one student simply brought a jar of nutella and a spoon.  This is how you win at life.

Caffeinated Life

Student 1: "You know he (student 2) is stressed out.  He is drinkin' coffee this morning."

Me: "I drink coffee every morning, what does that say about me?"

Student 2: "You just old"

That's How I Roll

"Hey Mr., Have you ever heard of 'rickrolling?'"

Tragedy

One of my all time favorite students was recently in a car wreck and is currently in a coma. If you have enjoyed my teaching stories I promise that you have heard at least one about this guy. In my first couple of years of teaching he was one who could make me laugh on the roughest of days.

The best description I can possibly give of him is that he was the high school equivalent of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes. He was spacey, never listened to advice, constantly did crazy things, but you loved him because he had a great heart and he always made you laugh.

His family has set up a Go Fund Me to help cover the medical expenses. Thoughts and prayers are wonderful, but they don't cover medical bills. If you have something extra please help them out.

For the next several weeks I will be drawing comics exclusively about this particular student.

Thanks everyone

**Note: As far as I know this kid did not wear diapers, he just like to say strange things.**

Hair

Student: "Girl, your hair is white girl long."

Don't Read Everything

Student: "What is the name of todays video?"

Me: "Rational Functions colon  Domain.  That is the two dots, not the word colon.

We wouldn't be find the domain of....   I'm not even going to finish that sentence."

**For non-math people the domain of a function is all possible things that can be plugged into a function.**

Conferences

Best line overheard at conferences today.

Parent to student: "You do you.  Otherwise I am going to come up to school and I will do me."

Truth

"We can't tell the students that standardized tests are worthless. That would undermine the entire U.S. Education system."

Repetition

Student: "Why didn't you tell us this earlier?"

Me: "I did tell you this earlier."

*The phrase I have to use with increasing frequency.*

Drinking Fountain Rampage

Before school started this morning I was walking by the drinking fountain.  It apparently was not working properly because the student who pressed the button had a jet of water shoot narrowly past his face and hit the wall behind him.

Light Bulb

One of the most rewarding moments as a teacher is having a student ask to know more and having answers to their questions.

Today I had an interesting discussion explaining Roman numerals and why they aren't used anymore.

Meetings

Teacher 1: "How does a freshman who just transferred to our school end up in my junior level cooking class?"

Teacher 2: *covers eyes and mimes throwing darts*

Drama

The title, "Vortex for all girl drama" is never meant as a compliment.

Picture Day

Announcements: "Everyone should listen up because tomorrow is an important day."

*students listen inquisitively*

Announcements: "Tomorrow is picture day!"

*Collective eye roll*

Announcements: "If you do not get your picture taken tomorrow, then your student ID picture will be used instead."

Student: "Oh, that's just mean...."

Goals

Me: "What are some of the goals you have for the future?"

Student: "I want to be less of a bitch."

Teacher Appreciation

Some days are rough.  Then your co-teacher brings you dirty chai puns and everything is better.

Obvious

Student: "Here's this assignment."  *Everything on the assignment is clearly wrong*

Me: "You need to show your work.  I want to see how you got this answer."

Student: "Oh, ok."

*Student walks away, tears up the assignment and throws it away.*

Stress

Student: "Do you ever get a whole bunch of work you have to do, but you are so stressed out that you don't feel like doing it?"

Me: "Almost every day."

Student: "Really?"

Me: "That never really goes away, but as you become and adult you just get better at dealing with it."

Nobody Cares

Student: "When is teacher appreciation week?"

Me "I'm not really sure.  Most of my students don't appreciate me."

Obvious Answers

Stubborn

Student 1: "Girl, you are not doing that problem right."

Student 2: "Whatever, I know what I'm doing."

Student 1: "Go talk to him! He is going to tell you that you wrong."

*Student 2 walks over to me*

Student 2: "Am I right?"

Me: "Errrrrrrr, no...."

Student 1: "See, now come back over here so I can teach you what's up."

Blunt

Student: "Hey, the band sounds pretty good inside."

Me: "Are you saying that they don't sound good when they play outside?"

Student: "Yes."

I Don't Even Know...

If you ever want to feel incredibly confused, have an ESL student give you a twenty minute explanation of their favorite anime show.

Throwback Thursday

When I was teaching at the alternative school one of my students gave a presentation at the school board conference.  He did a good job and our superintendent said that he was, "dressed like a professional."  All of the teachers found this hilarious because he had recently been suspended for stripping down to his boxers and running all over school in nothing but his underwear.

Limit of Consumption

JB

Student 1: "Mr., is your hair soft?"

Student 2: "Man, I'll bet he's got that Justin Beiber hair."

Realistic Expectations

Student: "Hey Mr., you got plans this weekend?"

Me: "I'm probably going to not sleep."

Student: "What?"

Me: "Let's be real.  I'm going to wake up at 6:00 AM and not go back to sleep."

Hindsight

*A student is asking me a question in class and his voice cracks in the middle of the question.*

Me: "Isn't being a teenager great?"

Student: "Hahah, yeah..."

Me: "...No, it isn't.  Being a teenager was fairly terrible."

Bonding

Looking back at my first year of teaching I realize that most of the bonding I did with my co-workers was not from the social events outside of school; it happened when our school was crammed into the basement of a condemned for several weeks.

Workin' For the Weekend

Teacher: "I can't believe that it is only Tuesday."

Me: "This is the longest week ever."

Student: "You guys are hilarious

Creepy Folder

A lot of my office supplies were left by previous teachers, so many of my folders have students names from years (possibly decades) ago; however I just found a folder labeled "People Hunt"

Low Point

As a teacher I am supposed to try and help all students, but some students are too far gone.

When a student comes to me and says, "I'm really into Nickleback!" there simply isn't anything I can do.

Throwback Thursday

When you are a first year teacher you get observed regularly by anyone and everyone that can claim power above you.

During one observation from my principal, a student passed out so hard that he failed to wake when his cell phone started ringing.  Once the 'hardcore rap' ringtone hit the string of cuss words, most of the room had a hard time not laughing.

The Monkeys Are Running the Zoo

During passing period today the teacher across the hall and I started doing a slow clap and just as we reached the apex of clapping the bell rang.  We were really excited, but most everyone else just stared at us in confusion.

Sanity Check

I'm fairly certain that one of my students was driven insane by my most recent test.  Her starting work was logical, organized, and neat.  As she progressed through the test her handwriting got worse and worse.  By the end of the test everything was a sprawling mess.

Truth

Student: "Hey Mr.  You are dressed all sharp today."

Me: "It's laundry day."

Slow Start

You know Monday morning was rough when your students walk into class on Tuesday and you think, "They definitely weren't here yesterday, and I definitely didn't mark them absent."

Oh no....

One of my co-workers was grading a previously written test at lunch today.  It had a word problem about a person named Jared who was trying to sell his computer.

This may be the most awkward and inappropriately timed word problem ever.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Student: "Can I return this to (Teacher)?"

Me: "Sure"

*5 minutes go by and the student returns*

Student: "Man that class was crazy!  They were in there throwing bananas!"

Me: "Well that was a freshman class, and we know that freshman act like a bunch of monkeys."

Trash TV

*Student working on a problem for science class*

Student: "Hey Mr., what are three things people use DNA for?"

Me: "You ever watch CSI?"

Student: "Yeah, I got that one."

Me: "You ever watch Maury?"

Student: "Ohhhhhh snap!"

All-Stars

This year our community decided to have a traveling trophy for the teacher of the weekend.  I won it this week and I will wear it proudly until next Wednesday.

Am I in the Right Place?

As previously stated, I work in an urban school, but today I had the most suburban thing (possibly in the history of the school) happen.

In homeroom one of my students brought a ukelele, started playing the song 'Riptide', and tried to get the rest of class to sing along.

It was adorable, but it confused the hell out of most of my students.

The Writing on the Wall

Student: "Man, why do you always have to be writin' on the chalk board?"

Me: "....Because I don't want to be writin' on the walls."

Leave Me Alone!

Student: "Ok Mr. I get this"

Me: "Do you actually get this or are you just saying that so I will go away."

Consent

Student 1: "She's trying to poke me with a pencil!"

Student 2: "Do you want me to poke you with my finger?"

Student 1: "I don't want you to poke me at all."

Sometime I Don't Even Argue

Under the Influence

Student 1 (to student 2): "Dude, your eyes are all red!  Are you high?"

Student 2: *looks at me* "No, I'm.... tired."

Student 3: (to student 1) "What the hell is wrong with you?  The teacher is standing right there."

First Week

I had a student stay after for help on the third day of school.  This could be really good because his is willing to ask for help, or it could be terrible because he needs help on topics that should be review.

Leaky Ceiling

Me: "I wonder if they fixed my leaky ceiling."

Teacher: "I was told not to worry about it and, 'That just happens.'"

Don't Be Late

Party Time

Student: "Hey Mr.! Did you party this summer?"

Me: "Do I look like the kind of person who likes to party?"

Student: "Yeah, I'll bet you party with your geeky friends."

Me: "Fair enough."

Parking

Me: "I'm here to get my parking pass.  I figure after five years of working here I should probably have one."

*Secretary gets a parking pass*

Teacher: "Wait, what is that?"

Secretary: "It's a parking pass, so you can park in the teacher lot."

Teacher: "We have those?"

Secretary: *sigh*

Who Did This?!?!

Student walks in and sees the desks re-arranged for testing.

Student: "What the hell?  When did this happen?"

Co-teacher: "Somehow I think this is all your fault."

Student: "I wasn't even here yesterday."

Me: "So you weren't here to stop this nonsense?  That means it IS your fault."

Rumored Fight: Part 2

Me: "I'm looking for (student)."

Other Teacher: "She isn't here.  I hear that you and her really got into it a while back."

Me: "What?  I haven't seen her in months."

Other Teacher: "Oh, she was claiming that she was suspended for a while because she got into a fight and punched you."

Me: "I would bet money on her skipping school, and then using this as an excuse."

What You Need

Co-teacher: "Do the problem"

Student: "I don't want to."

Co-teacher: "I don't care what you want; do the problem."

Done With It

Me: "From now on I am no longer answering the question 'what time does class end'.  If you ask me this question I will tell you to ask someone else."

Growing Up

It is very rare that former students come to visit me.  Most people do not remember their freshman/sophomore math teacher fondly.

I recently had a student come back and visit.  When she was in my class she skipped regularly, slept most of the time she was in class, and occasionally got into fights outside of class.  She told me that she had transferred to an alternative school at the beginning of the semester and that she had just graduated.  This meant that she was going to school from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm every day for four straight months.

She also said that she hung out with some of her old friends a couple weeks ago for the first time since leaving my school, and realized that if she had continued to hang out with those old friends then she would have dropped out of school.  Now she is clean, sober, and getting ready to start community college.  The most significant part of the conversation was not that she managed to graduate on time (an incredibly impressive feat), but that she realized that she was better off not being around her old friends.

This is probably the single most mature thing I have ever heard from a student.

The Dark Side

*I recently decided that I needed to incorporate more Darth Vader quotes into my teaching.*

Student: "You said that there weren't supposed to be decimals on the test."

Me: "I am altering the deal.  Pray I don't alter it any further."

Barnyard

Me: "Last time I had to tell a class to 'stop making animal noises' I was teaching 6th grade."

Last Day

Student: "Hey Mr., you a great teacher, but I am not going to miss you this summer."

Me: "You're a great student, but I'm not going to miss you either.

Stupid Questions

I'm not sure which is a worse question for the second to last day of class.

"What hour are we in?"

"What is this word?"  *Student points to 'minus'*

Both of these have been asked in a serious manner today.

Almost There

This was written on my board by an unknown student just before they took their final.

Critical Failure

Today I saw a student who had a bunch of red stuff smeared all over her shoulders, chest, and hands.  It almost looked like she took powered Koolaid and rubbed it all over her body.

Student 1: "Girl, what is wrong with you?"

Red Student: "I tired to dye my hair, and it went bad."

Rumored Fight: Part 1

Student: "Hey Mr., did someone punch you?"

Me: "What?"

Student: "Someone said that you got punched by a student a couple weeks back."

Me: "I think I would remember if I got punched by a student."

It is too early.

The worst question to ask a teacher a week before summer vacation.

"So, when do we come back next year?"

I Know I Am Not That Funny

*Student is watching a movie in class*

Student: "Hahahaha!"

Me: *Glare*

Student: "Math is so funny."

The Number Line Slide

Me: "So, when we graph this inequality our arrow points to the right."

Student: "To the right, to the right, to the right, to the right."

Me: "And this inequality has its arrow pointing to the left."

*silence*

Me: "You could have sung the next line to that song right there."

Student: "...."

Purpose

I have this conversation regularly, when people ask me about the blog, but apparently I have not made the purpose of the blog clear.

My classroom is not always a happy/carefree place.  This blog is focused purely on the good things because it is very easy to become jaded.

The profession in general is difficult, and the students I work with have a lot of issues.  Without focusing on the positive I am likely to lose faith in the profession.

Nine Days

*One of the senior math teachers came in to poll students on how stressed they are at the end of the year*

Teacher: "So, what is a source of stress in your life?"

Student: *Points directly at me*

Throwback Thursday

I was reading through emails from my first year of teaching and I found this quote describing my classroom.

"If I had a dollar every time masturbation was referenced (by my students) in class, then I could probably go out drinking 3-4 nights a week."

Be F***ing Nice!

Student 1 (to student 2): "Gimmie some paper"

Student 2: "Gimmie got shot, n****! Ask nicely."

Eco-Friendly

Me: Save those trees, use both sides of your paper.

Student: Why do they have to make paper out of trees?  Why can't they make it out of something like cardboard?

How Do I Internet?

Student: "Can you print off a job application for me?"

Me: "Sure, just send me a message in schoolloop (our grading software) with a link."

Student: "A what?"

Me: "A link to the webpage.  The website address."

Student: "How do I do that?"

Me: "Find the application, copy the link, and send it do me."

Student: "..."

Me: "Do you know how to post an article to Facebook?"

Student: "You mean share something?"

Me: "No, I mean posting something new."

Student: "Not really.  When I was looking at the application earlier it had a lot of options to pick from; how is that going to work on paper?"

Me: "You mean it was an online application?"

Student: "Yeah"

Me: "I can't print that off since it is a website."

Student: "Why can't you print a website?"

I Can't Get No...

I get a smug sense of satisfaction when my phone calls home arrive before the student does.

Done...

Scrabble

I was really excited today that some of my home room students wanted to play scrabble.  Then I had to go first, and I realized that the only word I could play was "anus".

Less Than Nothing

Student: "Why don't you get your sink fixed?"

Me: "I asked for it to get fixed, but I doubt that it will."

Student: "Why not?"

Me: "Well, that costs money."

Student: "Oh yeah.  Thanks Brownback."

Me: "You just made my whole morning."

Achievement Unlocked

Student: "What was your goal as a kid?"

Me: "Probably to play as many video games as possible."

Throwback Thursday

I haven't done a throwback in a while, but this happened my first year of teaching.

Me: "Why are you copying that assignment?  It isn't going to help you on the test, and it isn't worth enough points to change your overall grade."

Student: "Man, you always tryin' to keep me down!"

Principal: "You need to call yourself a ride _________."

Student: "Man, I got my own ride!"

*Student walks out of school, gets in a car, and drives away.  Student is 15, and barely tall enough to see over the steering wheel.*

Who Are You?

Holidays

4/20 is the day that all of the non-stoner student are obviously stoned, and all of the stoner students are acting as normal.

Post Prom

Student 1: "I promise that she isn't going to be pregnant between now and then."

Student 2: "You don't know.  There are several more proms coming up"

Student 1: "Oh, that is a good point."

Honesty

Student: "All right, I am ready to fail this test."

LB

Gotta Go

Student: "Can I go to the bathroom?"

Me: "Get two of the problems from the assignment done first."

Student: "Man, you always say I gotta get work done.  I gotta go."

Me: "Says the person who was late to class for going to the bathroom."

Student: "..."

Me: "So you can wait until the end of class."

*Student receives a detention in exchange for being allowed to go to the bathroom.*

High School Musical

*Bell Rings*

Teacher 1: "Hey, what's that sound?"

Teacher 2 and Teacher 3 singing in unison: "It's the bell.  Better get to class."

Me: "I feel like this is something that should be on youtube."

Those Who Pay Attention

Almost every Friday I have multiple students come to me convinced that we have a test.  This hasn't happened today and half of my first hour class is gone.  The correlation is interesting.

Dictate

Me: "Does anyone want want to write the answer up on the board?"

*silence*

Me: "So you all want me to write it up there?  You want to see my amazing handwriting?"

Student: "Ugh, no.  I will write it up there."

/headdesk

I'm not sure what's worse.  One of my students asking someone else for the answer to two minus seven, or the second student honestly giving a wrong answer.

Don't Try to Sell Me Crap...

The teacher across the hall has a sub today, and he just tried to sell me manure...

Ruin a Weekend...

I had a parent conference this morning.  It went something like this.

Me: "Your son has been skipping my class, and has failed to show up for any of the detentions he has been assigned."

Parent to student: "You have me missing work today because you cannot get where you are supposed to be?!?  What the hell is wrong with you?"

Dramatic Numbers

Student: "Do we just collide the numbers that are on the same side?"

Me: "Combine, but yes.  I think I am going to use collide instead of combine.  It sounds more dramatic."

....Is In The Air

Retro Printers

I found two boxes this morning.  My students couldn't understand why I was so excited.

I Don't Even Want to Know: Follow Up

A couple weeks back I posted about a student leaving his phone in the bathroom after taking pictures.  Today his computer's screensaver was flipping through his pictures, and there was clearly someone standing at a urinal.

Victor Fries

Student 1: "Dude, this girl was dressed like Batman!"

Student 2: "Batman is tight."

Me: "Yeah, Batman is awesome.  What's the problem?"

Student 1: "She was wearing a short skirt and fishnets.  It was thirty degrees this morning.  Wasn't she cold?"

Me: "Batman doesn't get cold."

Batman

I just saw Batman wandering the halls before class started.  It is too early for this level of weird.  I'm not sure I am ever going to get the hang of Thursdays.

Awkward Turtle

Semantics

Me: "Why aren't you taking notes?"

*Student grabs a sheet of paper from someone else's desk*: "I took notes!"

Me: "You took notes from someone else."

Student: "Fair enough."

My Reaction Would Have Been Similar

Me: "You should be working on your assignment.  This is a new quarter, and if you get today's assignment done you will have an A at the end of today."

Student 1: "The bookshelf is all the way across the room.  That is so far away.  Hey (student 2), will you get me a book?"

Student 2: "I'm already done with the assignment.  Get your own damn book."

Words Matter

Student 1 (to student 2): "Man, Mexican food tastes like dog food."

Student 2: "That is offensive.  You are comparing Mexican people to dogs."

Student 1: "How is that offensive?  I didn't say that."

Me: "You may not have said those exact words, but your words had that meaning."

Co-Teacher: "I'm wondering how you know the taste of dog food."

*the entire class bursts out laughing at student 1*

Student2: "Now you know how I feel."

Quiddich

I Don't Even Want to Know

Student: "I left my phone in the bathroom."

Me: "Why did you have your phone out in the bathroom?"

Student: "Because I was taking a picture."

Me: "That was probably the worst response you could have given..."

End of Quarter Whining

I am genuinely impressed when a student is passing after only having been in my class for a total of 11 days, but if you start complaining about your grade I am quickly going to lose sympathy.

Loan Shark

You Stink at Math

Why do the students that need to most help always smell like cats?

Field Trips

I have chaperoned two field trips in all of my years of teaching.  While I was away on the first one a student tried to set my recycling bin on fire.  The most recent one saw one of my students projectile vomit in the middle of a college cafeteria.

These are not encouraging...

Check Your Work

Student: "What am I doing wrong here?  This doesn't make sense."

Me: "Well 3 times -1 isn't 4."

Student: "Ohhhhh...."

Repeat Ad Nauseum

"I don't care about the stupid dress.  Stop asking me what colors I see."

-Me, all day long.

Non-required Education

I honestly get chills every time I hear a student say, "I was listening to that band you recommended.  They are really good."

Those in Charge

Don't Trust Anyone

I get a feeling of joy when my students figure out that the answers that somebody else wrote in the book are all wrong.

Let It Go

*A large football player is singing to the frozen soundtrack*

Student: "I can't hit those high notes like I used to."

Me: "There is a reason for that."

V-Day

My students are talking about the things they got for Valentine's Day, and it has been revealed that girls regularly get money as gifts.  The implications of this are bothersome on a variety of levels.

No Questions Please

When we review for tests in class I always make students work problems by themselves for the first ten minutes.  During this time I refuse to answer any questions.

Student: "So how do I work this problem?"
Me: "I will answer that in... four minutes."

*two minutes later*

Student: "Ohhhhhh, that makes so much sense!"
Me: "This is why I don't answer questions for the first part."

Too Much Work

I didn't have the energy for a real comic today, so I decided to share one of my students' favorite phrases whenever they don't want to do anything.

Deep Fried Love

Student: "Hey Mr., If you was workin' at burger king and a girl gave you her number after you gave her some onion rings would you go out with her?"

Me: "If the only reason this girl is giving you her number is because you gave her onion rings, then she is probably not someone you want to date."

Student: "What?"

Me: "If you were talking with her, and then you got the number after the the onion rings that would be one thing.   However, if the only interaction was the onion rings, then I would pass."

Method of Travel

During passing period today one of my students was continuously spinning as she was walking down the hallway.  As she moved along the hallway she got more and more wobbly. When she reached the end of the hallway she fell down.

Spoiler Alert

Student: "Have you seen Taken 3?"

Me: "I haven't even seen the first Taken movie."

Student: "What?!? They are so awesome!"

Me: "I heard that the whole movie is just Liam Neeson punching people in the face."

Student: "It's so cool though."

Me: "But I already know how it ends.  I'm guessing he punches someone in the face."

Student: "Yeah..."

My Greatest Moment of Teaching