99 Problems

I seem to be going for a record to see how many times I can get students to say, "Mr., what is wrong with you?"

Fan Club

*I tried to sneak into the back of another teacher's class to grab some papers that I printed*

Student 1: "Hey Mr. ________"

Student 2: "Hey Mr. ________"

Student 3: "Hey Mr. ________"

Student 4: "Hey Mr. ________"

Teacher: "Mr. _________, Did you know you were so popular?"

Me: "None of you all like me when you are in my class, I don't know why you think things have changed in the last 40 minutes."

Voice From Above

Intercom: "Could you send (student) to the office."

Me: "Sure thing."

Intercom: "(Student), could you sent them down?"

Me: "They are on their way."

Intercom: "Do you have (student) in your class?"

Whole class: "YES!"

Dad Jokes

Student: "Oh man, this dude is cold."

Me: "He should put on a jacket."

Student: "...No.  Just, no."

Smile and Nod

Student: "Man, your desk is a mess."

Me: "It is a microcosm for my entire existence."

Student: "What?"

Smart

Announcement: "There is a CSI club meeting this afternoon.  If you want to learn more about what a Crime Scene Investigator does, then you should stop by."

Me: "I hear they investigate crime scenes."

Loser

Student: "Why do you like teaching here?"

Me: "Because you all are way more interesting than (Neighboring district)."

Student: "Yeah, they are just a bunch of white kids that think they cool.  Were you a white kid thinkin' you cool?"

Me: "I never thought I was cool."

Fictional Conference.

Student: "This is the first time that my teachers haven't had anything bad to say during a parent conference."

Me: "Well I could make up some things if you want..."

Conferences

*Small child crying at parent conferences.*

Me: "That must be a rough conference.  It isn't even about him and he is crying."

Best Learning

Teacher: "Ugh, I have to go to the worst meeting this afternoon. The presenters just stand their and talk at us for two hours and they get mad if we try and ask any questions."

Me: "Well yeah, that how you are supposed to teach.  I just shout information at my students and expect them to know everything.  Or have I been teaching wrong for the past seven years?"

Bright Light

Teacher: "I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm not sure if it is a train."

Not a Morning Person

Student: "Isn't it true that you should be happy no matter how early in the morning it is?"

Me: "My wife might punch you for making such a statement."

CLICKLCLICKCLICK!!!!

Teacher (to me): "I can tell when you are writing someone up because of the anger in your typing."

Party Time

Student 1: "Is it alright if I stay after school tomorrow?"

Student 2: "I'm staying after tomorrow too!"

Me: "We're going to have a party up in here! Woooo!"

Student 1: "Don't every say that again...."

Walking Meeting

As I am walking down the hall, one of my co-workers steps out of the break room and we start talking.  A student comes out another room and starts asking us about some math problems as we continue to walk.

Co-worker: "I think we just walked into an Aaron Sorkin show."

Mo' Money Mo' Problems

Student: "Why don't you teach summer school?"

Me: "I want to enjoy my summer."

Student: "But you work, then you can get more money."

Me: "True, but at some point you start to value time more than money.  What is the point of having all that money if you don't have any free time?"

Student: "Yeah, but if you have kids, you can work for them."

Me: "That is true, but I don't have any kids."

Student: "Sounds like you should have a kid."

Me: "Oh yeah, great idea.  I should be working more and spending more money.  Might as well have a kid to make up the difference."

Math Style

Math Teacher: "If you are a math teacher, no one really cares how your clothes look.  And everyone expects you to be covered in chalk."

Me: "I love that you looked directly at me just as you said the chalk comment."

Winter is Coming

Student: "Wait, so you hand out different versions of the same test without telling us?!?"

Me: "Oh you sweet summer child."

Follow the Rules

One of my coworkers wrote a test based off of the exact wording of our district's math standards; just to prove a point. Like a poorly written recipe, it turned out bland and overly simplistic.

Mad Skillz

Me: "I can't throw anything sports related, but I can land a stack of post-it notes half way across my class with reasonable accuracy."