Dumb Questions

Student in the middle of a final: "Can I step outside and take this call?"

The Function Slide

Me: "Because of this minus two, our function is going to move two spaces to the right."

Student: "Two hops this time!"

What Day Is It?

Me: "Your quiz won't be until thursday because I want you to have the same amount of time as my other classes."

Student: "What are you talking about?  Today is Monday."

Me: "No, today is Tuesday."

Student: "We didn't have school yesterday?"

Me: "No, it was martin Luther King Day.  Did you show up to school yesterday?"

Effort

Co-Teacher: "Why don't you ask Mr.______________ for help?"

Student: "He doesn't care about me."

Me: "I care as much as you do."

Co-Teacher (to student): "Do you care about this class?"

Student: "Maybe a little bit."

Small World

Student 1: "Aww man I'm about to get with with girl."

Student 2: "Who is she?"

Student 1: "________ she goes to _________"

Student 2: "....what's her last name?"

Student 1: "________"

Student 2: "That's my younger sister!  She's only thirteen!  Imma beat your ass!"

Athletic Ability

Serious Shade

Student: "Oooooo, I am so glad that we don't have _________ for our principal.  Her and her weave...."

I Am Not Funny

Me: "If I am going too fast just let me know.  I don't want anyone to think that I am rushin'."

Class: "...."

Me: "Though I could be mistaken for Ukrainian."

Class: "..."

Me: "*Sigh*  If Ms. (Co-teacher) were here, she would laugh at my jokes."

Go to Class

Me: "Ladies, aren't you supposed to be in class."

Student 1: "We are, but we are fat."

Me: "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything."

Student 2: "It means we are lazy."

Me: "So are you saying that skinny people aren't lazy?"

Student 1: "Yup."

Damn Lines

Student: "Ok, so you see where these lines cross?"

student 2: "What fuckin' lines are you even looking at?"

Pain

Me (in an incredibly sarcastic tone): "Aren't matrices fun?!?!"

Student: "Well, they aren't the worst thing in the world...."

Ice Ice Baby

Me: "You guys need to stop before I send you to (Culinary teacher) to get some ice."

Student: "What?"

Me: "You guys have no chill."

**Don't forget to follow me on twitter @SR_Triangles**

A Degree in BS

Student: "Do you ever get mixed up on this?"

Me: "All the time.  Remember when I corrected myself earlier today?"

Dress Down

Job Description

Me: "Try out the bellwork, this is just like yesterday."

Student: "I already know how to do this."

Me: "Show me."

Student: "You show me that you know how to do this."

Me: "I did.  Yesterday."



** For those of you who want even MORE updates you can now follow me on twitter @SR_Triangles**

Your Mouth is Writing Checks

Student: "Man, why do I have an F?  I turned in one of my missing assignments on Monday.  My grade better go up, otherwise I'm going to call my mom."

Me: "I would be happy to talk to your mother about your grade and your work in class any time she likes."

*Student's eyes go wide, and he sits down quietly.*

Caffeinated Life

Student 1: "You know he (student 2) is stressed out.  He is drinkin' coffee this morning."

Me: "I drink coffee every morning, what does that say about me?"

Student 2: "You just old"

That's How I Roll

"Hey Mr., Have you ever heard of 'rickrolling?'"

Don't Read Everything

Student: "What is the name of todays video?"

Me: "Rational Functions colon  Domain.  That is the two dots, not the word colon.

We wouldn't be find the domain of....   I'm not even going to finish that sentence."

**For non-math people the domain of a function is all possible things that can be plugged into a function.**

Conferences

Best line overheard at conferences today.

Parent to student: "You do you.  Otherwise I am going to come up to school and I will do me."