Relationships

*I am so happy I can laugh at teenage relationships.*

Student: "Mr., is it ok to break up with someone because he wants to hang out with his friends?"

Me: "What?"

Student: "Yeah, I was dating this guy and he wanted to hang out with his friends instead of me so I broke up with him."

Me: "Uhhh..."

Student: "After I broke up with him I was hoping he would come back to me, but he hasn't yet."

*This was the point where I could no longer contain my laughter*

Steak and Leg

Student: "Mr., Do you know how to stanky leg?"

Me: "Steak and leg?  That sounds delicious."

Student: "No, Stanky leg.  It's a dance."

Thank You for Paying Attention

I give the students their assignment and carefully explain what they are supposed to be doing.  Everyone goes to work in an unusually quiet manner.

*40 min later*

Student: "What are we supposed to be doing?"

Snacks

Student: "Mr., you want some tamales?"

Me: "The candy?"

*The student pulls a bag of actual tamales out of her purse*

Ye Olde Calculatore

Student 1: "Can I have one of the big calculators?" (A graphing calculator.)

Me: "So you want a giant wall mounted calculator where you have to push buttons with both hands?"

*About 15 minutes later*

Student 2: "Can I have one of those big old calculators?"

Me: "You want giant buttons and some kind of gear mechanism to actually calculate something?"

Life Goals

Me: "You might want to grab that permission slip.  The college visit is going to be interesting."


Student: "Why? I'm going to drop out when I turn 16."


Me: "You would probably really enjoy college, and you are certainly smart enough."


Student: "I'm gonna drop out and be a crackhead. Yeah...."

That Kid

Student: "Man, when I was in kindergarden eating glue was the shi....  stuff."