Breakfast of Champions

One of my students just walked into class over an hour late with a bag full of corn dogs.  I'm more confused than anything else.

Excused Absence

*Student walks up to me wearing a suit*

Me: "What's with the getup?"

Student: "I have court today.  I'm going to get locked up, and I wanted to let you know that I won't be in second block."

Girl Power

Student: "Why is even called 'Scooby Doo'?  They should call the show 'Velma'.  She is the only one that actually does anything."

Great Job Bro

Two of my students have started high fiving each other at the end of every section of the state assessment exam.

Math Style

Math Teacher: "If you are a math teacher, no one really cares how your clothes look.  And everyone expects you to be covered in chalk."

Me: "I love that you looked directly at me just as you said the chalk comment."

Winter is Coming

Student: "Wait, so you hand out different versions of the same test without telling us?!?"

Me: "Oh you sweet summer child."

Crafts

Student: "Man, If we had a real intruder, you know I would be jumpin' out this window."

Me: "Jumping out a third story window is never a good idea."

Student: "I'm goin' to get my arts and crafts on, and make me a parachute first."

Follow the Rules

One of my coworkers wrote a test based off of the exact wording of our district's math standards; just to prove a point. Like a poorly written recipe, it turned out bland and overly simplistic.

Coincidence? Hopefully.

Student 1: "Do you drink tea?"

Me: "Yeah, I drink a lot of hot tea."

Student 1: "I have never head hot tea before."

Me: "When I get sick, I like to drink tea with lemon and honey."

Student 2: "...and whiskey"

**It's like he was reading my damn mind!**

Goals

Student: "You sound like Dumbledore"

Me: "I'm going to take that as a compliment."

Avoidance

Student: "If I die, do I have to take the test on Friday?"

Me: "I have never made a dead person take a test."

Mad Skillz

Me: "I can't throw anything sports related, but I can land a stack of post-it notes half way across my class with reasonable accuracy."

Math is Sexy

**Male student sprays himself with cologne**

Me: "Who are you trying to impress here in math class?"

Student: "Math"

Base Tan

*Student has a blue plastic bottle on his desk*

Me: "Is that sunscreen?"

Student of the darkest complexion: "What?  No, it is way too late for me."

Pay Attention

Me: "If you ask me, 'what are we doing today?' on the day of a test, then I am going to assume that you aren't going to do well."