Repeat Ad Nauseum

"I don't care about the stupid dress.  Stop asking me what colors I see."

-Me, all day long.

Non-required Education

I honestly get chills every time I hear a student say, "I was listening to that band you recommended.  They are really good."

Those in Charge

Don't Trust Anyone

I get a feeling of joy when my students figure out that the answers that somebody else wrote in the book are all wrong.

Let It Go

*A large football player is singing to the frozen soundtrack*

Student: "I can't hit those high notes like I used to."

Me: "There is a reason for that."

V-Day

My students are talking about the things they got for Valentine's Day, and it has been revealed that girls regularly get money as gifts.  The implications of this are bothersome on a variety of levels.

No Questions Please

When we review for tests in class I always make students work problems by themselves for the first ten minutes.  During this time I refuse to answer any questions.

Student: "So how do I work this problem?"
Me: "I will answer that in... four minutes."

*two minutes later*

Student: "Ohhhhhh, that makes so much sense!"
Me: "This is why I don't answer questions for the first part."

Too Much Work

I didn't have the energy for a real comic today, so I decided to share one of my students' favorite phrases whenever they don't want to do anything.

Deep Fried Love

Student: "Hey Mr., If you was workin' at burger king and a girl gave you her number after you gave her some onion rings would you go out with her?"

Me: "If the only reason this girl is giving you her number is because you gave her onion rings, then she is probably not someone you want to date."

Student: "What?"

Me: "If you were talking with her, and then you got the number after the the onion rings that would be one thing.   However, if the only interaction was the onion rings, then I would pass."

Method of Travel

During passing period today one of my students was continuously spinning as she was walking down the hallway.  As she moved along the hallway she got more and more wobbly. When she reached the end of the hallway she fell down.

Spoiler Alert

Student: "Have you seen Taken 3?"

Me: "I haven't even seen the first Taken movie."

Student: "What?!? They are so awesome!"

Me: "I heard that the whole movie is just Liam Neeson punching people in the face."

Student: "It's so cool though."

Me: "But I already know how it ends.  I'm guessing he punches someone in the face."

Student: "Yeah..."

My Greatest Moment of Teaching

Phones

Me: "Why do you have two phones?"

Student: "Cuz, I'm a boss."

Me: "My boss has two phones..."

Satisfaction

*three students walking down the hall talking quietly*

Student 1: "Well who is your teacher?"

*Student 2 points at me*

Student 3: "Mr. _______? He's cool."

Student 1 (to student 2): "Are you crazy?  All you have to do is ask and Mr. _______ will explain things to you."

Preparing for the Future

*Overheard at parent conferences*

Other Teacher: "__________ is a very interesting young lady.  A while back we had a project listing goals for our future, and _________ said that she either wanted to work with children who have special needs or marry into a drug cartel.  Now I can really only support one of these two decisions..."

Infalable Logic

Student 1: "Hmmmmmm....  Hmmmmmmmm..."

Student 2: "Who is making that noise?  Is that you?"

Student 1: "No that's you!"

Snow Conferences

I like to think that everyone is out sledding.

*Note: Parents and students are squares and triangles respectively*

Testing Advantage

One of my students wears a hearing aid, and when we are testing she takes it out.  I doubt that she can hear the rustling of papers.

Everybody Dance!

Black student to hispanic student: "I'm not trying to be racist, but do you know how to salsa?"

Hispanic student to black student: "Do you know how to twerk?"

This was probably the funniest introduction into a good discussion on racism I have experienced in class.