Math is Sexy

**Male student sprays himself with cologne**

Me: "Who are you trying to impress here in math class?"

Student: "Math"

Base Tan

*Student has a blue plastic bottle on his desk*

Me: "Is that sunscreen?"

Student of the darkest complexion: "What?  No, it is way too late for me."

Pay Attention

Me: "If you ask me, 'what are we doing today?' on the day of a test, then I am going to assume that you aren't going to do well."

Alternative Income

Student: "Is there any way that I could pay you some money, and you have me just pass this class?"

Me: "You can't afford me."

*Student takes out wallet* "How much we talkin' here?"

Me: "Well, I am probably going to lose my job if I start taking bribes.  I make about _________ a year, so we can start negotiations there."

*Student puts his wallet away and goes back to taking his quiz*

Easy Sunday

*I walk into my closet and a student follows me.*

Student: "Are you having an adventure?"

Me: "No, I'm just grabbing supplies."

Student: "So there isn't a door to Narnia back here?"

Me: "If there were a door to Narnia, I would disappear a lot more often."

Hell of a Start

*First conversation in the office this morning*

Principal: "You can't come into school wearing a tank top with a marijuana leaf on the front."

Student: "I didn't know that I couldn't wear a tank top."

Time is Relative

Me: "Oh, the clock never got switched over from daylight savings time."

Student: "I thought all the clocks in the school were connected."

Me: "The only thing this clock is connected to is a double A battery."